I realize I haven't wrote for a while, I just have to be in the mood.

My heart hurts right now, I am being a baby but I can't help it. Have I made the right decisions in life? Should I still be at Utah State or should I be going to hair school like I want? Should I have dated this guy or ended it with this guy? I wish I had answers..
I wish I knew why I couldn't talk to guys.. I wish I knew why I had so much anxiety when I meet new people or go somewhere alone..It's so hard for me to introduce myself to boys, I guess I just don't have the confidence. I think that they will be thinking "Oh freak why is this girl talking to me?" I wish I could get over that feeling..but I have been that way my whole life. My mom gets so mad at me because I am not as bold and blunt as she would want me to be. I want to do things my own way.. If I don't feel comfortable doing something, I won't do it. It's just how I am and I wish my mom would understand me on that, because that is the main reasons we fight. I am going to find a boy one day who exceeds all my dreams and wants. I am not going to settle for someone that I do not feel comfortable with.

I went and saw Funny People today, and Adam Sandler was very sick in it, he was so close to dying..And he decided to do what he loved for the last moments he had, which was stand up. He went and told the girl he loved that he loved her and wanted to be with her.. And it just comes back to the point of live as if today were your last day. I have been thinking a lot about the end of the world...No one knows when it's coming, but I know that I will have lived my life the way I wanted it to be. I can't get everything I want, I am not perfect, but I can work as hard as I can to be happy and have no regrets.

"No Day but Today" -Rent